so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
