i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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