Girls should come with a carfax report
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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