My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
