Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
