I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
