I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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