Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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