I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
