I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
