So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
