So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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