plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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