I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
