White coat. Heels.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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