i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
