that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
