lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
