dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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