the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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