i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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