whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
