We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
