Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How naked do you want me to be?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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