dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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