chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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