I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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