Ketchup is God's man juice
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
