Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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