Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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