Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
