There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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