So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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