I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
