my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
