That's intense
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
two words...techno handjob
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
