and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
