Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
