Porn is love you can see.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
