Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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