no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
this hospital has no fireball
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
