I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
