I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
and she was petting her beer can
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
