I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
