Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
