I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
