Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
