At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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