Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
