i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
