Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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