i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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