after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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