honey bunches of taint.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
