you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She told me I should be a condom model.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
