god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think I am morally bankrupt
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
